Smart Rock.
It does nothing. Flawlessly. Every single time.
“It sat there. Then it kept sitting there. We have no notes.”
Desk Objects Weekly
“We could not locate the power button. Nine out of ten.”
TechAdjacent
Solid-state. Igneous. Uncompromising.
Most devices fail because they have parts. Smart Rock has one part. It is the rock.
Zero Latency Gravitational Core
Responds to gravity instantly. Drop it and it falls. No pairing, no updates, no waiting.
Infinite Battery Life
Ships fully charged and stays that way. There is no charger in the box because there is no charger.
100% Solid-State Igneous Mineral
No screen to crack. No port to clog. Rated IP68, IP69, and every IP number yet to be invented.
Five things arrive. One of them is a rock.
The rock is the cheapest part of this. Everything around it is where the money went.
Every rock ships certified.
A numbered Certificate of Authenticity, signed by our Chief Geological Officer, stating in writing that your rock is a rock. Owners photograph it more often than they photograph the rock.
Compared with devices that do things.
Three category leaders were bought at retail and lived with for a year. One of them still works.
| Compared on |
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Smart Rock
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Smart Speaker Category average |
Fitness Band Category average |
Smart Display Category average |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cost of ownership | ||||
| Purchase price | {{ price }} | $249 | $199 | $329 |
| Subscription required | None | $9.99 per mo. | $6.99 per mo. | $14.99 per mo. |
| Ten-year cost1 | {{ price }} | $2,195 | $1,834 | $2,786 |
| Daily operation | ||||
| Battery life | Infinite | Mains power | 5 days | Mains power |
| Software updates | None, ever | 41 per year | 22 per year | 63 per year |
| Works in a power cut | Yes | No | No | No |
| Privacy | ||||
| Personal data collected | None | Yes | Yes | Yes |
| Microphones fitted2 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 4 |
| End of life | ||||
| Service life3 | 4.2 billion years | 3 years | 2 years | 4 years |
| Worth anything in ten years | A rock | $0 | $0 | $0 |
- 1 Purchase price plus subscription across 120 months, including replacement at end of service life.
- 2 Smart Rock has no microphone, no speaker and no radio. This was not a design decision.
- 3 Radiometric estimate for the quarry face. Individual rocks may outlast this company.
Real people. Real rocks. Real regret, expertly concealed.
Rated 4.9 out of 5 by 12,406 owners. The remaining 0.1 star was withheld pending an explanation.
"Bought one for my dad. He put it outside. Now there's no way to tell which one it is. In a way, I guess we all own Smart Rock now."
Where owners keep it.
Submitted by verified owners. No placement voids the warranty.
Two apps. Combined feature count: zero.
Free, and they work whether or not you own a rock. Which is the same as saying they do not work.
Pet Rock Cam
A live, uninterrupted feed of a rock. Nothing has happened yet. Chat is on.
Rock Personality Quiz
Five questions to reveal your rock's true nature.
Answered plainly.
We have never needed to be vague about this product.
Arrives exactly as it left. We guarantee it.
Most products degrade in transit. Smart Rock has been in transit, geologically speaking, for 4.2 billion years and is fine.
Track Your Rock
Live status of your order, updated whenever something happens, which is rarely.
Own the rock.
Ships in 3–5 business days. Arrives exactly as it left, which is the whole point.
Order confirmed.
Order #{{ orderNo }}. Your rock is being placed into foam by hand, then inspected once more to confirm it is still a rock. Your receipt from Stripe has the exact total.